Monday, July 12, 2010

Yes I was dead. But I got better. Thanks for asking.

To everyone who has sent me concerned emails or facebook messages these past few weeks. I really appreciate it. Thank you.

I know I haven't been around much, and when I have, my posts have been insipid and meaningless. I'm sorry about that.

I've been trying to get my health under control. I didn't want to come on here sounding like I'm whining again. I wanted to come back and write this wonderful, insightful, hilarious post, and then have everyone come racing back to me, telling me how much you missed me, and that your lives are now complete because of my inspiring words.

However. To be honest, I haven't been great. And I'm not going to sugar-coat it just because some people don't like narcissistic, "poor me" posts. The truth is I'm STILL waiting for a diagnosis as to why I am bleeding and in pain. I had another round of tests last week, another Gastroscopy, another CAT scan, more X-Rays, and, of course, the ever present blood tests. You'd think they'd come up with something more original by now.

I'm exhausted. And I'm pissed.

My arms have been totally massacred, and I look like a junkie.

So. Not. Cool.

See for yourself. This picture is the aftermath of them trying to put in a drip. It's a *bit* blurry, sorry, I took it with my left hand. And I was on drugs. And not even the good ones either.

The drip ended up in my other arm. Witness the beautiful job they did there too.

Oh, and here too.

Moving on...

The general consensus so far seems to be Diverticulitis, a condition that usually affects the elderly. Fan-f**king-tastic. Now I'm getting old before my time. Pretty soon I'll be wearing my pants tucked into my socks and telling Tomika to "turn that bloody music down!" Hang on... I already do that. Shit.

However, to throw another spanner in the works, the Gastroscopy showed three large (I'm talking 1cm each here people!), Gastric ulcers, and lots of polyps in my stomach and intestines. They took a biopsy to check for "the big C" among other things, and, you know, because everyone wants a piece of me, and apparently bleeding me dry like Vampires is no longer enough for them. Now they want my flesh too. Next thing I know they'll have me strapped unconscious to a sacrificial slab cutting me open... Wait... They already did that. I am tossing up whether my doctors are really Voodoo medicine men in disguise, or bloody ghouls. Either way I'm pretty sure I'm a goner.

It's the waiting that's killing me. Not knowing what is wrong. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I asked the doctors the other day why they didn't just Cryogenically freeze me, and bring me back when they work out what's wrong. I thought that it was a wonderful idea. But they dashed my dreams of being frozen and hung on the wall like Han Solo, by telling me that would defeat the purpose as they needed me to let them know my symptoms so that they can diagnose me. Apparently you can't talk when you're frozen, or so they tell me. Go figure.

Whatever. I reckon they're just sadistic.

Anyway, gotta go. I'm meeting my Gastroenterologist.

I think I'm getting the results of my biopsy... I want to know, and yet some part of me doesn't. Wow, conflicted much?

Wish me luck!

P.S. (Here's a little giggle-worthy pressie for you. These are the undies they made me wear during the procedure, (photo taken before I put them on, promise!), I laughed for at least half an hour.)


  1. Waiting sucks. Much.
    But those undies? Tres sexy, biatch!

  2. Love the undies! Totally gonna get me a pair! Feel better, lovey!

  3. Those panties are super sexy! They remind me of the crap they give you after you deliver a baby. Not fun.
    You know I think about you all the time and pray that those shit heads get it right and you get better.
    You know I've been seen by the gastro department at the lovely Mayo Clinic here in the states and they are wonderful. If you ever come this way let me know! I'm sure they will figure all this out soon enough and it won't come to that!

  4. Sorry love you are going through this, I've just had my own bleeding episode, and you can read all about it on my blog..yeah life sucks atm!!!! Hey did you get the gift I sent you, just let me know as my post office also sucks...I haven't received the rest of the eps yet and thats fine, I was just hoping you haven't sent them and they are mia....Love to you and hope you feel good soon xx

  5. Diverticulitis. That sucks. Praying for you, old friend.

  6. Brea, my heart hurts for you and I'm so sorry you're going through this....

    I'm also so sorry for being such a bad blog friend -- I don't know how it happens that one day turns into weeks/months and I've missed so much...mea culpa.

    Please know you are in my thoughts for good news!

    Keeping you close in spirit and hoping for the best.

    When you know of anything--let us know....

    Peace and serenity,
    'The End Of The Rainbow: Life After Bankruptcy'


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