Procrastination.

I'm supposed to be studying.

I'm aimlessly web surfing.

I'm not looking for anything in particular.

I'm not sick.

I'm not hungry.

I'm not bored.

I'm procrastinating.

Sue me.

Internet woes. i.e. I'd like to use a lifeline please Eddie.

You would think with the amount of internet providers you can choose from these days I would be able to find just one that wants my business, right? Wrong.

In the past week, I have tried to sign up with three different providers, only to be told AFTER going through the entire. signup. process. that they don't have coverage in my area. One of them even went so far as to actually connect my phone, set up my internet account and deduct $238.00 from my bank in preparation of the signup, only to disconnect me 4 days later. Without telling me. How does THAT work?

Comes with free connection. And dis-connection.

"Ummm, Ms Befuddled? Thanks for your money but we've decided that we don't want to give you internet after all. Oh also, we're not going to tell you. Instead, to save money we're going to think it at you really hard and hope that you get the message telepathically."

Grrr... Don't they have some sort of pre-checking process that enables them to click a button and tell me up front whether they service my area? I mean, the sheer amount of different types of internet connections are confusing enough. They should be all begging me to sign with them and I should be all like, "No thanks, I'll try the next guy. He's cheaper." And they should be all like, "But we'll give you a puppy." And I'd be all like, "Nice try, I'm a cat person."

"We're so sorry Ms Befuddled, we don't provide internet in your area. The moon is unfortunately out of our coverage zone. We can, however, offer you a great deal on a satellite phone."

Seriously WTF?

Feline Frustrations...

 My cat is an idiot.

I have a glass sliding door in my bedroom and he has gotten into this habit lately where he scratches on it in the middle of the night wanting to go out. There is an open window 5 metres away, but still he scratches on the door. Every. Night.

So I wake up. I get up. Out of my nice warm bed. Out from under my soft fluffy doona. Into the freezing cold night. I turn on the light. I open the door.

And he bolts. The other way. Away from the open door. Into the house. Under my bed.

So I shut the door. I turn off the light. I go back to my nice warm bed. I get under my soft fluffy doona. I curl up on my side. I close my eyes.

And the cat scratches madly on the door.

So I get up. Out of my warm bed. Out from under my doona. Into the freezing cold night. I turn on the light. I open the door.

And he bolts. Away from the door. Under the bed.

So I shut the door. Turn off the light. Get back into bed. Snuggle under my doona. I curl up. I close my eyes.

And the cat scratches desperately on the door.

I fly out of bed, throwing the doona off me in a frenzy, tangling myself in the sheets and tripping over myself as I jab wildly at the light switch causing the light to flicker disorientingly. Lurching towards the door, I sway uncontrollably, almost falling on my face as I yank it open. The cat freaks, fleeing towards the bed but, thinking I'm clever I anticipate that, tripping over him in my haste to get to the bed before he disappears under it again. He proves he is cleverer and eludes me by faking left, then going right and vanishing beneath. I. lose. my. shit. Swearing loudly, I grab the nearest God-knows-what and start jabbing blindly under my bed, attacking the dust and shoes and odd bits of crap like a crazy person, chopping and swinging and making a complete ass-hat out of myself. Exhausted and totally out-witted, I stop, put down my weapon, take a few deep breaths and look under the bed. The cat is staring back at me innocently, licking himself.

I go and close the door. I turn off the flickering light and trudge back to bed. I collapse on the mattress and roll on my side. I snuggle deep under the covers and close my eyes. I calm my racing pulse and relax.

The cat scratches on the door.


The cat is not an idiot.

I am.

Cat. Not an idiot. Apparently.

Adventures in depression. And some other shit...

So I've been away for ages and it's been gut wrenching and sad and blah blah blah. I'm so not going there to relive it. Not all in one go anyway.

Suffice to say I went to the bottom of my own personal hell hole and came out fighting.

Do I feel better? Eh....

Will I write about it? Maybe...

Is it over? I don't know.

It was these two posts from two of my favorite bloggers - Jenny The Bloggess and Allie from Hyperbole and a Half - that made me realize that I REALLY AM NOT ALONE. In that good, fuzzy, deep down inside, I'm-not-the-freak-I-think-I-am way.

I mean, everyone who has had even one depressed day in their life has heard the form response "you're not the only one", from well meaning friends and family. But that has always made me feel worse. It always makes me feel guilty for feeling depressed. Like I can't take ownership of the shitty way I'm feeling because every man and his dog feels bad sometime. Like the people who are trying to help are saying, "Snap out of it, you'll be right, everyone feels like shit occasionally, stop feeling sorry for yourself." and the ever faithful, "Smile, you'll feel better." I know I'm not the only one. I know everyone feels shitty sometimes. That doesn't make my depression any less valid, does it?

And I really, seriously know you are trying to make me feel better, and I really, seriously appreciate you trying but...

Please, please. Stop helping.

You really want to help? Get me a Bourbon/Valium smoothie and let me cry. I don't know why I'm crying, I can't answer that so please don't ask, it only makes me cry more. Stop staring at me helplessly and put on Van Wilder: Party Liaison and laugh with me instead. Then maybe we'll both feel better.

Now I guess this isn't the best "I'm back!" post you've ever read. And I know this post is narcissistic. And I know It's all, "poor me I'm depressed". I guess I went there after all. But you want to know something?

I'm okay with that.

I am back.

I've missed writing. I need it.

Over the next weeks and months I'll try to find me again.

I promise.

Naked Blogging Day

For those of you who just got a little excited... No. I don't mean blogging without clothes, although if you want to do that, that's your business I guess. Although I wouldn't personally do it. Probably. Knowing my luck, someone would hack my web-cam and I'd end up being slapped with a lawsuit for indecent exposure. Because it would be. Indecent that is. In fact it would be kinda horrible. So I won't do it. You're welcome internet.

What I mean is blogging without make-up.

Apparently there is a meme going around (courtesy of BlogHer) at the moment that is encouraging women to take a photo of themselves sans make-up, and post it on their blogs.

Now... This is what I figure... I don't usually wear make-up, I honestly can't be bothered, and I am not at all shy to post a photo or two of myself looking, well... shall we say, bare-faced... as evidenced by these - few - posts.

So I figured I would go you one better, and post a picture of myself actually wearing make-up. Yeah, I know. Will wonders never cease? So here you go.

Eeek! Please ignore the un-waxed eyebrows!

As we can all see, not that much of a difference. Now you understand why I don't bother.

The funny thing is... I am actually a fully qualified make-up artist. Yeah I know, who'd a thunk it right? Well when I was 16 I took a make-up artistry course at TAFE, and I've been qualified since I graduated (obviously!) at around 18.

So if you need a wedding done. I can do it. If you are in a movie and need your make-up done for a scene. That's me. If you need a bruise or two, or a slit throat. I'm your girl... I mean... I can do your make up so that you LOOK like you have bruises and a slit throat... I'm not actually going to hit you... Probably... Unless you like that sort of thing... No, that's just silly... Not that there's anything wrong with it... I'm going to shut up now.

I'm fashionably late to the Party... Yeah, so what else is new?

♪♪

Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)

Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)

There's a party goin' on right here

A celebration to last throughout the years

So bring your good times, and your laughter too

We gonna celebrate your party with you

Come on now

Cell-e-bra-tion

Let's all celebrate and have a good time

Cell-e-bra-tion

We gonna celebrate and have a good time

♪♪

Okay, so I caved.

There's been a Party happening right under my nose for the past week and I've stubbornly resisted attending.

It's not because I'm shy or anything, nothing as glamorous as that. Truthfully? It's because I can't be bothered shaving my legs.

Yeah, I know what you're going to say... I shouldn't be anti-social out of pure laziness vanity. It's time to shave them sucka's, put on my little black dress, slap on some make-up, and par-tay. But do you wanna know what I just heard? Blah, blah, blah, effort, blah, blah, pour yourself a bourbon.

Okay, if you insist. Bourbon and coke mixed, ice added. Mmmm... NOW we're talkin'!

So the whole reason for the shin-dig is to introduce myself to, and get to know, some other bloggers. This part I like. I'm actually hoping this will help me achieve my goal of reaching 100 Followers by my Birthday. So while you're here, visit my Stalkers Unite! page and join the chaos that is Brea's Befuddled Brain. You never know, you just might win something along the way!

Hi, I'm Brea. I'm a slightly-disturbed, highly-sarcastic, dry-witted, deliberately-single, fantasy-book-lovin', Twilight-obsessed, (bracket-OVER-using), Bi-Polar, crazy-cat-lady/stay-at-home Mum with a scary-beautiful 13-going-on-30-year-old teenage daughter, and a sick sense-of-humour.

I like walks in the rain, tattoos, and pussy-cats. I've had my belly-button pierced and my boobs reduced. I prefer honesty over the little lies you tell to save people's feelings. I can't stand nastiness or one-up-man-ship.

When I'm at a party, I'm usually the one sitting by myself on the couch who people avoid like the plague because I've had one too many bourbons and lost my rose-tinted-glasses.

Woo-Hoo! Are we having fun yet?

There are also prizes to be won. YAY!

Actually, after much contemplation, I think I'm going to like it here after all.

The prizes that interest me most are:

INTL 2 - A Custom Wordpress Blog by Uniquehorn Designs

INTL 5 - A Custom Blog Design from Whimsical Websites

INTL 9 - Two eBooks: Pretty. Cool. Cakes. A Bakers Dozen of Creative Birthday Cake Ideas and FishMama's Guide to Cooking with Children by FishMama and LifeasMOM

INTL 10 - A Custom Blog Design by Start Ranking Now

INTL 11 - A Custom Blogger Design by Simply Fabulous Blogger Templates

INTL 13 - A Custom Pick 6 Homekeeping Printables Pack by CleanMamaPrintables

INTL 14 - A Complete Custom Blog Makeover for Blogger.com PLUS a Custom Coordinating Twitter Background by Dawn Farias

INTL 15 - A Personalised Pre-made Blogger Template Package by Premades For A Purpose

Okay, are we seeing a pattern here?

As much as I LOVE my blog, and I've done massive amounts of work on it to get it where it is, I would just ADORE a Custom Makeover, designed just for me.

Anyway, head on over to 5 Minutes For Mom, to link up and join the party. But you better hurry, they're about to call last drinks!

Happy UBP2010 Everyone!!!

(Before you commit to becoming a follower, please take the time to read my Disclaimer...? and consider if this product is appropriate for you.)

Who needs a Hairdresser when you have a Cuz like mine?

Hi!

Welcome to Cuzzin'z Hair Salon, where the dye is cheap, the coffee lukewarm, and the atmosphere is all fun and games, until the cat tries to kill you. (More about that at a later date.)

Tonight I went over to my Cuz'z place so that she could dye my hair for me. I get her to do it for me because she's fantastic at it, and she doesn't charge me $250 for the privilege of ripping it out by the roots and painting it a weird colour. I'm also positive she was a hairdresser in another life, and she's just plain old good fun.

Here are some shots we took of the process...

BEFORE

I know right? It's pretty bad. I don't usually let it get to that stage but I have had other things going on, and my hair kinda got lost in the system. Not to worry... It's all fixed now!

DURING

 

As you can see from the photo's below, my Cuz is a TOTAL Dag, and heaps of fun to hang out with!

We are extremely alike really... Well, except that she's skinny and engaged and I'm... Not. We think similarly, and we even used to dress the same, because we pretty much grew up together. Her Mum died when she was young, and she was brought up by our Nan, whom we nick-named Terminator Gran, (Long story that I'll leave for another day), and my Mum.

We've always been close. We were both born in May, Taurus's, a year and 8 days apart (I'm older). I was there when she had her first kiss (she bit his tongue!), we had our children (my daughter, her son) within three months of each other, and at one stage we even lived (I cooked, she cleaned), and partied, together. (And by partied I mean, snuggled-up-to-the-sweet-sweet-coolness-of-the-toilet-bowl-retching-whilst-slurring-I-looove-you-na-shreally-IIIsh-loooooves-shyou-yous-da-besht-cuzzin-eva... *snore*) (Seriously. I'm pretty sure we've even held each others hair back.) And we've driven each other bat-shit crazy too.

Unfortunately these days I don't get to see her and hang out as much as I'd like, life moves on y'know, and I miss that. I miss her. But when we do get together, it's always great fun. She's terrific company, gives good advice, and she ALWAYS tells it like it is, whether I want to hear it or not. She keeps me grounded.

Her husband-to-be is wonderful. They got engaged in September last year, and are planning to get married this year. He treats her like a Queen, he respects her, and he loves her completely and unconditionally. She's a lucky girl, she deserves it, and he is one very lucky guy. And I'm sure he knows that BUT if by chance he ever hurts her I will hunt him down and remove certain necessary parts of his anatomy... (*ahem* Excuse me. Just got something caught in my throat. *cough*) Seriously though, he is worth his weight in gold and he has made her SOO very happy, and for that reason I have nothing but the utmost admiration for him.

Wow... I just realised I kinda went off on a bit of a tangent there. SORRY! I guess it's the backlash of spending time with deliriously happy and perfectly suited people. It makes you want to wax lyrical about just about anything... (Or vomit. I guess it's good that I'm in a wax-on-wax-off kinda mood.)

Anyway, one day soon I'll write about some of the mischief Cuz and I used to get up to as kids... Now THAT will be fun!

Now where was I? Right, my hair...

THE FINISHED PRODUCT

All together it was a terrific night, good food (you're welcome!), lots of laughs, with some thought-provoking conversation thrown in as well. I'd definitely label it a 'bloody great success'.

♪♪

I feel pretty

Oh so pretty

I feel pretty

And witty

And wise...

♪♪

What do you think... How do I look?

By the way... Please help me achieve my goal of reaching 100 Followers by my Birthday by visiting my Stalkers Unite! page and joining the chaos that is Brea's Befuddled Brain. You never know, you just might win something along the way! Enjoy...

(Before you commit to becoming a follower, please take the time to read my Disclaimer...? and consider if this product is appropriate for you.)

The One That Is a Blatant Appeal for Attention...

To My Dearest Darling Readers,

As I said in the title, I am shamelessly courting attention with this post. Those of you who know me even a little are now thinking, "Yeah? So what else is new?" But believe me, I have a good excuse this time.

Last night I stayed up until all hours of the AM on my PC, grabbing as many buttons as I could from the blogs that I read, so that I could update my Buttons Everywhere! page.

I did this for some very self-absorbed deliberate reasons...

a. I would love my regulars to experience some of the wonderful blogs that I visit all the time.

and

2. I am eager to lure back the readers to my blog that I lost whilst wallowing in self-pity for the past few weeks (I'm back, y'all... ♪♪And I'm feeeeelin' good♪♪), and I am hoping that by giving some blog love to my fellow writers, they will show me some lovin' in return. (See? Totally selfish. Told you I wouldn't disappoint.)

So grab your mouse and start a-clickin'! And don't forget to let them know I sent you! (Pretty please with a cherry on top?)

And if you could possibly see your way to grabbing my button (right hand side-bar, and below), and putting it on your blog, I will love you forever and ever!

Copy and Paste Code
<a href="http://breasbefuddledbrain.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4052/4422461930_9d70193885_o.jpg" alt="Brea's Befuddled Brain" /></a>

I also have a totally sneaky underlying another reason for my completely egotistical self-promotion. I would just love, Love, LOVE to get to 100 followers by my Birthday on 2nd May. So basically, in 17+ days time - You probably noticed the countdown thingy up on top of my blog to track how many days we have left.

This would be an absolute dream for me to achieve such an honoured status among people that I consider to be my online peers.

I have added a Stalkers Unite! page where you can go see yourself and my other followers in living colour. There's a party over there, would you like to come? You can join us there or on my left-hand side-bar.

I would also like to whole heartedly thank my current 59 loyal Followers. They have stuck with me through thick and thin and I love them dearly for it. I just can't believe I've come this far in such a short period of time! Taking into consideration that I only wrote my first post on the 14th February, I feel absolutely blessed to have made so many great bloggy friends as fast as this.

In return, I promise to post as often as humanly possible, hopefully at least once a day. I pledge to try my very best not to let you down, and to make my writing as entertaining as I can. (By the way, I would also like to challenge myself more. So if you have a topic you'd like to suggest I write about, please let me know. WOW, this could be fun!)

So spread the word!

As a special prize, I will be doing a BONUS give-away if I make it! Now how many people do you know that GIVE presents on their birthday? (The prize will be confirmed closer to the date but I assure you, it'll be something totally fantastic! I have a wonderful imagination...)

So what do you reckon? Do you think we can do it?

Ready? Set? AAnnnnndd... GO!

(Before you commit to becoming a follower, please take the time to read my Disclaimer...? and consider if this product is appropriate for you.)

Love Always,

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Zip-a-dee-ay... My, Oh, My, What a Wonderful Day!

 

Plenty of sunshine headin' my way... Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Zip-a-dee-ay!

I slept!

I was on my PC until about 2.30 am when I realised I was just kinda staring at the screen. So I thought I'd go to bed and watch some Prison Break.

(My newest scrumptious show. That Wentworth Miller... Now THERE'S a man I could go all Cougar Town on... Rowl!)

I am also a Tattoo aficionado. I've got a few I designed myself... I'll post them sometime. So that just gives this picture a double thumbs-up, with a big helping of MWAH from me!

It was about 6.30 am, and I was drooling watching away, when I felt this weird sensation in the back of my eyelids. You know that gritty feeling where you aren't sure if you are going to cry, sneeze, or your eyeball is going to pop out onto the floor? Yeah, that one.

It was extremely uncomfortable, and I found that the only way I could stifle it was to close my eyes for short periods of time. To help lubricate them, or something to that effect. (I guess being open pretty much non-stop for days will do that.)

So I closed my eyes...

The next thing I knew, it was light outside. I looked up at my bedroom clock (the one that has been mocking me for the past week. Hey clock. Yeah you. I wouldn't leave town okay? I know who you are, and I know where you live!), and it said....

10.37 am.

(Well... It didn't ACTUALLY say that, I mean, that would be crazy sleep-deprived talk. Right...? Pfft... Talking clock.)

OH. MY. GOD. You don't realise how GOOD sleeping is, until you CAN'T do it. Four-and-a-half hours of pure bliss.

I no longer feel like walk-on-razorblades-around-me-no-loud-noises-turn-that-bloody-light-off-it-burns!,Vampire-Mummy.

I no longer look like crazy-white-faced-eye-popping-out-carrying-a-suitcase-underneath-my-eyes, Zombie-Mummy.

Now I look like this!

Note BIG smile. And pink. Lots of pink. I like pink when I'm happy and well-adjusted. (Just in case you hadn't noticed.)

 

I'm BACK... It's party time people!!!

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post... Part 2.

 

To my regular readers. I'm TRULY sorry for what you are about to read...

 

These little gems were on my Anonymous has left a new comment on your post..., umm... post.

I think you're missing the point.
That's not what I meant by it. (Referring to this comment I assume...)

I meant: you seem to write it in such a way - and often! - that all you want is sympathy ('poor me') from posting posts such as the one you did yesterday.
Do you not get enough sympathy from home (so that you need to get it from your blog)?
Oh wait, didn't you mention that your cousin tells you to "suck it up princess"?
Sounds like good advice.

Posted by Anonymous to Brea's Befuddled Brain at March 23, 2010 11:49 AM

AND

It's interesting that you didn't approve my last comment - something hit home, eh?
And I know there are a lot of comments you don't approve...
You need to take the good with the bad - perhaps address the issues? 

Posted by Anonymous to Brea's Befuddled Brain at March 23, 2010 2:41 PM

Dear 'Anon',

Whilst I sit here greatly enjoying your diligent throwing of stones from your glass palace, I feel that we have come to the intimate point in our relationship where I am comfortable telling you a few secrets...

First: I approve EVERY comment. I am not afraid of them. They are just words on a page. Sticks and stones, and all that. I moderate my comments simply because I choose to READ them before they are published. NOT censure them. If you have sicc'ed your cronies on me I feel obliged to let you know, they are very naughty and not doing their job. (The only UN-APPROVED comment I have is from a lovely lady that comments regularly, and the software seems to have stuck... BUT I digress!) If I have not approved your comment in a timely manner, my apologies. Unlike you, I am not living my life hanging on your every word. You are quite welcome to give me a call to talk about... Oh wait.

Second: I know where you live. Seriously.

MMWWAAHHHAHAHAA!!!

Being as self-absorbed as I totally am, I stalk myself.

Ever heard of StatCounter.com? Here, just in case it's not self-explanatory enough and you can't find it, I gave you the link.

It's a very clever little gadget, I recommend you look it up.

However, please feel free to continue. I am considering starting a new page here and calling it, 'Dumb Things Spineless Anonymous Commenter's Say'. Or how about simply, 'Stupid People'?

You, of course, shall have the starring role. (If I can spare the time from writing about me that is.)

That might assuage your feeling that this blog is NARCISSISTIC.

Which it ABSOLUTELY is.

Love Always,

Brea x x x

That is all.

An Award, for me? Again? WELL OF COURSE!!!

I've done it again, I came first in a beauty contest and won $10. Oh, wait. That's another game...

My totally self-indulgent butt has been given another Award.

Oh how GREAT AND WONDERFUL I am. How you LOVE ME.

Of course how could I not win? I am TOTALLY the obvious choice. Being as I am the BEST and all!!!

Okay, now I'm going to be serious... (Oh who am I kidding?)

The clever and oh-so-wise Gregory J from Day to Day, and Living My Life, Whatever, has AGAIN nominated me as one of his selections for the Happy 101 Award.

This makes me HAPPY 101 times. Plus 4. (Because I do things in groups of 5.)

There are again rules that I will follow with MUCH happiness.

Here they are:

1. Thank the person that awarded you in a new post.
2. Put the award on your sidebar.
3. Name 10 things that make you happy.
4. Pass this award to other bloggers who make you happy.

1.     Thank you GregoryJ! I LOVE you, I do. (Hope your wife

        doesn't mind my infatuation!)

2.     Sidebar = Done.

3.     10 things that make me happy... Aanndd... GO!

• MY daughter Tomika.
• MY family.
• MY friends.
• MY cats.
• MY blog and all MY bloggy friends that I have made.
• MY books.
• MY bed.
• MY cooking.
• MY favourite TV shows.
• ME. (Of course!)

4.     Play 'Hot Potato' and pass it on!

In my position as SUPREME BEING AND RULER OF THE BLOGOSPHERE, I hereby award this commendation to the following people:

• GregoryJ from Day to Day, and Living My Life, Whatever, is SOOO supportive. He makes me happy in an I've-got-a-secret-crush-on-my-elder kinda way. (AND Yes, I am aware he already received it, but I'm breaking the rules. Because I can. Because I'm ME and I'm MAGNIFICENT.)
• Giving Her All She's Got always has a NICE comment or two to say. She loves her doggies, like I love my cats. Her posts make me happy in a smiley-fluffy kinda way.
• Kat from 2010 - Year Of Miracles is refreshingly blunt. She makes me happy in an in-your-face kinda way.
• Kellyansapansa is a woman on a mission. To get Married! Her blog makes me happy in a totally-overjoyed-for-her kinda way.
• Jessica over at La Fin Dumond Farm is absolutely hilarious! Her ramblings make me happy in a laugh-uproariously-til-a-little-pee-comes-out kinda way.

So that's it. My Top 5 adored blogs.

If you're not included, I don't love you any more.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post...

 

I just got this Anonymous (naturally), comment on my 'Lately I don't sleep.' post.

"Wow, your blog is really self-indulgent."

Ya think?! That's kinda the point!

Hilarious!!!

***Drumroll*** - And The Winner Is... ME!

The TOTALLY wonderful and handsome Gregory J from such blogs as Day to Day, and Living My Life, Whatever, has selected little ol' me as the recipient of the Beautiful Blogger Award.

Yup. Me. Who'd a thunk it?

♪♪♪Go me, go me, go go, go me!♪♪♪ *insert silly dance here*

You like me. You really like me! No, really... You like me?

My FIRST award.

(Quiet down there people, you, in the back, shhhhhhh!)

NOW:

"I'd like to thank the Academy... My Parents... I love you MUM! Tomika... my brothers... my cats... the creepy guy down the street who looks at me through an inch of curtain every time I walk past... my chemist... and who could forget the team in hair and make-up *snif* I'd be NOTHING without you... I love you guys!!!"

"And I'd like to send a special THANK YOU out there to Gregory J, without whom I would not have this here golden statuette 200x200px virtual award. Thanks darl!"

*cue music...*

Okay, so apparently there are some rules and whatnot that I must now follow... Semantics I say! But follow I shall. A good girl I am. (Did I seriously just sound like Yoda?)

Here they are:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 15 8 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!
4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

SO:

1.     Done and I mean DONE!

2.     Seven things huh? Hmm...

• I am practically a recluse. If I am not with Tomika doing something I spend most of my days inside. Mostly on this damn PC!
• When I had my Breast Reduction in early June 2009, I had a terrible car accident 10 days afterwards and my stitches burst open leaving me with horrific scars.
• My biggest weakness is ebay.
• I read. A lot. Like, A LOT a lot.
• My favourite guilty TV show is Charmed. I was DEVASTATED when it finished up. (I still watch the DVD's over and over... Shhh.)
• I am a fantastic cook.
• I can sing.
• I used to be a bloody good dancer.
• I HAVE to do things in groups of 5. (Hence my cheating and BOTH these lists being 10 things long.)
• I am a *little bit* of an X-Box junkie. 

3.     Do unto others... With pleasure!

• Amethyst Moon over at Life, Music and Laughter deserves this. She always has a song in her heart.
• Mommy Drinks Because You Cry, CONSTANTLY makes me laugh, unless she makes me cry, or feel bad, in a good way. It's ok because I get it. We are two Motherless Daughters, working it out as we go along.
• Tammy at A Red Neck Diva's Kitchen always has something yummy on the menu.
• The Farm Chicky in the Boondocks of Farmers Wife is sharp as a tack. Don't let those overalls and the straw in her hair fool you!
• JadeLD from Now That I'm No Longer 25 has some AMAZING photos to share. She is one talented woman.
• True Confessions of a Single Mother features the lovely Raine. She is blunt, to the point, honest, and I love her.
• Kristi from Live and Love... Out Loud is just... Beautiful. Nuff said.
• If you are looking for blurting out laughing at the PC screen so that the people around you think you're crazy, you HAVE to visit parentingBYdummies. I have SOO much to learn...
• Shari is a 'perimenopausal parent of preschoolers and an epileptic pug', you can find her at Earth Mother. Watch out though, she's not afraid to get dusty.
• And last but certainly NOT least, I am going to give this award to the beautiful and inspiring Carly from Tune Into Radio Carly. She is just......??? I have NO words to describe her courage and strength. 

4.     Contact the bloggers I picked... You mean I ACTUALLY have to talk to these suckers? WelI I guess sacrifices MUST be made in the name of art.

Hey you, yeah you on the list above. Consider yourself STALKED!

Sick, Sick, Sick!!!

 

I've been sick for the past week or so, sore throat, cough. Today I got worse. I've been in bed all day.

I have dragged my butt out of bed to check emails, and write this in the shameless solicitation of sympathy from my bloggy friends.

And yes I am fully aware that I am pathetic. You have my permission to tell me to "suck it up princess" (as my cousin would say...)

I'm going back to bed now.

Night!

Bletch...

WARNING: GRATUITOUS USE OF BIG WORDS

WARNING: THIS POST WILL INCLUDE GRATUITOUS USE OF BIG WORDS LIKE PHLEGM, UVULA,  MONONUCLEOSIS AND STEAMING PILE OF CRAP.

(Just thought I'd let you know.)

At the moment I have this horrible, hacking cough, that reminds me very much of croup. However, considering I'm not under 4 years old (at least last time I looked), I'm pretty sure that's not it. Accompanying the cough is a sore throat. And also phlegm running down the back of my throat, which I can't shift, no matter what I do. (Trust me, I stuck my fingers in there to try to grab it. Nothing.) (Yes, I AM aware of how stupid and desperate a move that was.) (No, I will not be doing it again any-time soon. It hurt.) (Incidentally, I have a very healthy gag reflex in case you were wondering.)

MOVING ON ~ I'm at a loss as to what it is, and what to do. Owing to the almost constant company of medical personnel over the past few days, I am loathe to take myself to the doctors AGAIN. So I have come to you, dear, dear readers, to help diagnose my illness.

I have tried Nyal Bronchitis Cough Medicine. Nothing happened except that I realised that I don't like Nyal Bronchitis Cough Medicine. Seriously. I would hate to be Tomika right now and have me saying, 'Come on honey, I know it tastes bad, but it's GOOD for you.' S.T.U.F.F that. And twice on Sundays.

Every time I try to swallow, the phlegm gets caught over my (blowhole? snorkel?) oesophagus and I can't breathe. It's the strangest sensation I've ever experienced. I would equate it to snorting pineapple jelly (I don't know why pineapple, just because it's my favourite), and that feeling you get just afterwards when it's sliding down the back of your throat, and you realise that it was a very bad idea, and an even worse sensation. (Right about here I would advise you NOT to ask how I know that!)

I have tried Ethical Nutrients Immune Defence capsules. They taste like a steaming pile of crap. AND they don't DO anything. I certainly don't feel like I'm doing any defending. And last time I looked, my immune system had packed up and gone to Hawaii. (Where, incidentally, I believe I would get much better. Anyone...? No? It was worth a try.)

So currently, I look like this. 

(And yes, I do have my flanny dressing gown on at 2.30 in the arvo.)

And because of the phlegm dancing on my uvula, I feel like this.

When I would much prefer to be doing this.

Hawaii here I come!

So what do you think? Do I have Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease? Infectious Mononucleosis maybe? A massive case of Acute Terminal Hypochondria?

Help!

♪♪ Burn baby burn ♪♪

 

Yesterday morning I was helping Tomika cook brunch, (a yummylicious menu of cheese scrambled eggs, bacon, tomatoes and mushrooms) when my feet decided it would be a great idea to trip over themselves sending me flying across the kitchen. 

This in itself would have been stupid clumsy embarrassing enough, if I hadn't also tried to steady myself by slamming down delicately placing my hand, on the stove. Which had a pot on it. Which was hot. Because the burner was LIT!

The contents of the pot went flying, FORTUNATELY nowhere near Tomika, but unfortunately all over my hand and up my arm. And I managed to place my hand precisely where, had I a choice and time to think about it, I am totally sure would NOT have been my ideal location. Directly on the burner. Which, as I may have mentioned earlier, was lit.

As the seconds passed, a little voice in my head suggested, quite vehemently, that this was most definitely a bad place to have my hand. 

Amidst much loud language that would have made a sailor blush, (Sorry Tomika!) I removed said hand from the stove (did I mention that the burner was lit?), and went reeling across the kitchen in the opposite direction in search of something to rid me of the horrible sensation of my flesh slowly and painfully melting from my bones. There was a niggling thought in the back of my brain telling me what I needed to do. Hello trusty kitchen sink and water. Cool. Clear. Water.

I held that hand under the running water for a good 45 minutes (water restrictions be damned, I was in PAIN!). Nothing. No relief at all.

Enter my brilliant idea. I got Tomika to fill a container with ice and water from the fridge and without no more thought than needing to stop my hand burning off, I plunged it in.

Now, anyone who has ever stuck their hand in an esky full of melted ice to grab the elusive stubby right at the bottom can attest. Ice + Water + Skin = A really bad combination that hurts like hell, then goes numb, then hurts like hell again once the numbness wears off. You better GodDamned enjoy that beer 'cause you 'aint going back for another anytime soon.

Imagine that. Times infinity.

Apparently; Ice + Water + Burnt Skin = FU****G JESUS H CHRIST OUCH THAT HURTS!

My hand came out of that ice so quickly the water went everywhere, and I was left with a twice-burned hand.

It seems that my brain was also frozen, as I was at a loss as to what to do. So I retreated back to the tap and called my local chemist. I dispatched Tomika with strict instructions to obtain 'whatever it takes to fix it'. Many dollars later, and I had what the Pharmacist assured me was Gods gift to 'minor' burns. Which would have been great, had I been able to take my hand out of the water for long enough to actually apply it.

My hand was red, blistered, swelling rapidly, and hurting. I was convinced no-one , no-where had ever burnt themselves as badly as me. So I rang an ambulance.  (I know, I know, an over-reaction right? But wait, there's more.) Surprisingly they turned up fairly quickly. Their advice? Put it under cold water. Brilliant! Now why didn't I think of that?!

...4 HOURS LATER... The burn has cooled enough for me to finally be able to put on the patches and wrap it in an ice pack. Pain, pain, everywhere,  and not a painkiller in sight. It's Sunday afternoon, the local Chemist has been closed for hours (I didn't think of it when Tomika was there earlier), and the nearest doctor is miles away.

So I call the locum doctor for a home visit. I am told by the ever-so-helpful receptionist that 'it will be a little while' so I settle in to wait.

...2.5 HOURS LATER... The doctor shows up, takes one look at my hand, and tells me that 'you should be in hospital', as my 'minor' burn was actually second-degree, and the ring on my swollen-to-twice-it's-normal-size finger, will need to be cut off now or my finger will need to be cut off later.

Wonderful.

He proceeded to call another ambulance for me to be taken to the hospital to have my ring removed, and my burn assessed and dressed properly. Then he also charged me mucho dinero for the privilege of his company.

The ambos turned up, Tomika and I climbed aboard, and we were whisked away to the depths of the Emergency department (upon dropping us off, they wished me well and made sure to hand me the bill).

The hospital put me in what is called the, 'fast track department'. I will give them props for that. They were ever so eager to chop my ring off. We only waited about 10 minutes before a helpful nurse came along and took me to a private room. She whipped out the cutter and asked for my hand.

That's when it hit me. They were going to cut off my ring . Mum's ring. Mum's friendship ring from when she was 16. The ring that hasn't left my finger since she died. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

I sat there silently, tears coursing down my face, my head on Tomika's chest while she held me and cried with me. It felt like they cut out my heart.

Afterwards they put the ring in a TEARzone® biohazard specimen bag (which Mum actually would have appreciated, it WAS kinda amusing), dressed my fingers, gave me some Panadeine Forte, and sent us home in a Taxi.

SO. After my physically and emotionally draining day, I have learned a few things.

1. Don't trip over your own feet whilst near an open flame.
2. Fire = Pain.
3. Boiled tomatoes = Pain.
4. Don't put ice/ice water on burns.
5. I know WAY too many swear words.
6. Don't get hurt on a Sunday.
7. Don't get hurt the day before a public holiday.
8. If you do burn yourself, take your jewellery off STRAIGHT AWAY!
9. I DISLIKE hospitals.
10. I LIKE Panadeine Forte.
11. Burning yourself is expensive.
12. Don't wear tight clothing. Ever. Seriously.
13. Next time I travel, I am packing the kitchen sink.
14. It is almost impossible to wash your hair with a bandage on your hand.
15. It is almost impossible to use a mouse or type with a bandage on your hand.
16. I can't take photos with my left hand.
17. I can't text with my left hand.
18. I can't wipe my bum with my left hand.
19. It's just a ring, it's just a ring, it's just a ring... 
20.  And finally...  My daughter is the most gorgeous, wonderful, helpful, supportive, exceptional person, and I am OVERWHELMINGLY proud and privileged to be her mother.