♪♪ Burn baby burn ♪♪

 

Yesterday morning I was helping Tomika cook brunch, (a yummylicious menu of cheese scrambled eggs, bacon, tomatoes and mushrooms) when my feet decided it would be a great idea to trip over themselves sending me flying across the kitchen. 

This in itself would have been stupid clumsy embarrassing enough, if I hadn't also tried to steady myself by slamming down delicately placing my hand, on the stove. Which had a pot on it. Which was hot. Because the burner was LIT!

The contents of the pot went flying, FORTUNATELY nowhere near Tomika, but unfortunately all over my hand and up my arm. And I managed to place my hand precisely where, had I a choice and time to think about it, I am totally sure would NOT have been my ideal location. Directly on the burner. Which, as I may have mentioned earlier, was lit.

As the seconds passed, a little voice in my head suggested, quite vehemently, that this was most definitely a bad place to have my hand. 

Amidst much loud language that would have made a sailor blush, (Sorry Tomika!) I removed said hand from the stove (did I mention that the burner was lit?), and went reeling across the kitchen in the opposite direction in search of something to rid me of the horrible sensation of my flesh slowly and painfully melting from my bones. There was a niggling thought in the back of my brain telling me what I needed to do. Hello trusty kitchen sink and water. Cool. Clear. Water.

I held that hand under the running water for a good 45 minutes (water restrictions be damned, I was in PAIN!). Nothing. No relief at all.

Enter my brilliant idea. I got Tomika to fill a container with ice and water from the fridge and without no more thought than needing to stop my hand burning off, I plunged it in.

Now, anyone who has ever stuck their hand in an esky full of melted ice to grab the elusive stubby right at the bottom can attest. Ice + Water + Skin = A really bad combination that hurts like hell, then goes numb, then hurts like hell again once the numbness wears off. You better GodDamned enjoy that beer 'cause you 'aint going back for another anytime soon.

Imagine that. Times infinity.

Apparently; Ice + Water + Burnt Skin = FU****G JESUS H CHRIST OUCH THAT HURTS!

My hand came out of that ice so quickly the water went everywhere, and I was left with a twice-burned hand.

It seems that my brain was also frozen, as I was at a loss as to what to do. So I retreated back to the tap and called my local chemist. I dispatched Tomika with strict instructions to obtain 'whatever it takes to fix it'. Many dollars later, and I had what the Pharmacist assured me was Gods gift to 'minor' burns. Which would have been great, had I been able to take my hand out of the water for long enough to actually apply it.

My hand was red, blistered, swelling rapidly, and hurting. I was convinced no-one , no-where had ever burnt themselves as badly as me. So I rang an ambulance.  (I know, I know, an over-reaction right? But wait, there's more.) Surprisingly they turned up fairly quickly. Their advice? Put it under cold water. Brilliant! Now why didn't I think of that?!

...4 HOURS LATER... The burn has cooled enough for me to finally be able to put on the patches and wrap it in an ice pack. Pain, pain, everywhere,  and not a painkiller in sight. It's Sunday afternoon, the local Chemist has been closed for hours (I didn't think of it when Tomika was there earlier), and the nearest doctor is miles away.

So I call the locum doctor for a home visit. I am told by the ever-so-helpful receptionist that 'it will be a little while' so I settle in to wait.

...2.5 HOURS LATER... The doctor shows up, takes one look at my hand, and tells me that 'you should be in hospital', as my 'minor' burn was actually second-degree, and the ring on my swollen-to-twice-it's-normal-size finger, will need to be cut off now or my finger will need to be cut off later.

Wonderful.

He proceeded to call another ambulance for me to be taken to the hospital to have my ring removed, and my burn assessed and dressed properly. Then he also charged me mucho dinero for the privilege of his company.

The ambos turned up, Tomika and I climbed aboard, and we were whisked away to the depths of the Emergency department (upon dropping us off, they wished me well and made sure to hand me the bill).

The hospital put me in what is called the, 'fast track department'. I will give them props for that. They were ever so eager to chop my ring off. We only waited about 10 minutes before a helpful nurse came along and took me to a private room. She whipped out the cutter and asked for my hand.

That's when it hit me. They were going to cut off my ring . Mum's ring. Mum's friendship ring from when she was 16. The ring that hasn't left my finger since she died. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

I sat there silently, tears coursing down my face, my head on Tomika's chest while she held me and cried with me. It felt like they cut out my heart.

Afterwards they put the ring in a TEARzone® biohazard specimen bag (which Mum actually would have appreciated, it WAS kinda amusing), dressed my fingers, gave me some Panadeine Forte, and sent us home in a Taxi.

SO. After my physically and emotionally draining day, I have learned a few things.

1. Don't trip over your own feet whilst near an open flame.
2. Fire = Pain.
3. Boiled tomatoes = Pain.
4. Don't put ice/ice water on burns.
5. I know WAY too many swear words.
6. Don't get hurt on a Sunday.
7. Don't get hurt the day before a public holiday.
8. If you do burn yourself, take your jewellery off STRAIGHT AWAY!
9. I DISLIKE hospitals.
10. I LIKE Panadeine Forte.
11. Burning yourself is expensive.
12. Don't wear tight clothing. Ever. Seriously.
13. Next time I travel, I am packing the kitchen sink.
14. It is almost impossible to wash your hair with a bandage on your hand.
15. It is almost impossible to use a mouse or type with a bandage on your hand.
16. I can't take photos with my left hand.
17. I can't text with my left hand.
18. I can't wipe my bum with my left hand.
19. It's just a ring, it's just a ring, it's just a ring... 
20.  And finally...  My daughter is the most gorgeous, wonderful, helpful, supportive, exceptional person, and I am OVERWHELMINGLY proud and privileged to be her mother.