Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I am the Wizard of Oz of Housewives

Okay. So I read Jenny Lawson's (The Bloggess) book Let's Pretend This Never Happened.

Why yes, that is a dead mouse.

It's fantastic. Like utterly amazing.

Now I read a lot. I mean, A LOT a lot. And I'm warning you in advance, this post is going to border on being stalker-ish. The Bloggess' book moved me more than any I've read in a really long time. I cringed in horror, laughed until a little bit of pee came out and sobbed as if my heart was broken. And scarily of all I could relate. To everything. single. word.

It's absolutely terrifying for me to read a book like this because I feel as though she burrowed deep down inside of me and retched up all the stuff I'm ashamed of and keep hidden, and exposed it for everyone to judge. It's heart-wrenching, and embarrassing, and absolutely wonderful. Just to know there is someone else out there that is just as fucked up as I am is empowering.

I have so much respect and admiration for this woman, the strength it would take to be able to write with such honesty and rawness, to lay it all out there for the world to see. It's humbling.

One thing in particular spoke to me and perfectly captured the inner conflict that wars within me on a daily basis. The 23rd chapter is titled;
"I am the Wizard of Oz of Housewives (In that I am both "Great and Terrible" and because sometimes I hide behind the Curtains)"
This quote not only sums up the entire book for me, but also encompasses my whole life. I am wonderful and horrible, sometimes simultaneously, on a daily basis. And at times I am so overwhelmed by either the sheer wonder, or utter hopelessness of it all I find myself curled up in the foetal position in a corner. 

That page (p 191), drew me back to re-read, over and over. And each time I found something new. A brutally honest thought. Deeper insight. Some new complexity that made me go, "Oh! Yes. There you are."

I thumbed through the pages to get to that quote so many times I ruined the book.

So I stole it.

I made it bigger.

And I put it on my wall.

And it is awesome.

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