Saturday, May 22, 2010

Damn it! Hurt Me. Just Leave Her Alone.

Firstly - I'm sorry for this post, I'm too drained to censure it, and I have to get it out of my head before the scattered thoughts that are threatening to drink my spine juice and eat my brain from the inside out actually succeed.

2nd - After a night full of delirium filled with horrible nightmares and hallucinations which included crying out for her Mima (my Mum), Tomika's fever finally broke and she is getting better. Thank fuck. I'm positive there are times when I've been more scared by things before this week, but at this exact moment, I can't think of a single one.

There is nothing worse in this world than seeing your baby, your heart and soul, in pain, and not be able to do anything about it. It hurts. It hurts like hell. Deep down in that place that no one ever sees, that place that you don't even know is there until it starts bleeding, it hurts. It rips out your insides and shits all over them.

But you hold it together, because you have to, for her. Because absolute terror is absolutely catching. And that's the last thing she needs to see. You hold it together because you are Mother. And Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.*

So now that she's on the mend, I can be absolutely, bluntly, honest with myself. She scared the fuck outta me, and I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Where the hell was the chapter on this in that bloody parenting book?!

Jesus, right about now is when I really need my Mummy. I just want to hear her tell me that I'm doing it right. Is that so bloody much to ask? She never told me about this before she left. I don't want to look on the internet for the answers. I don't want to second guess myself about how much and how often. I want to call my Mum and cry and tell her my baby is sick and ask her what to do. Fuck fuck fuck.

Sorry... Tantrum over, I'm ok now.


C - Friday Fatties

Lets lighten the mood a little shall we?

So apparently running around like a chook with it's head cut off after a sick Tomika is not as conducive to losing weight as one would expect. Go figure.

Starting Weight: 82.5 kgs
Last Friday:       81.7 kgs
Loss of:             800 grams
This Friday:       82.2 kgs
Gain of:             500 grams
Total Loss:        300 grams

Note To Self - Lack of sleep and stress doesn't result in weight loss. Actually it causes eat-whatever-you-can-stuff-in-your-mouth-when-you-start-feeling-faint-and-finally-remember-you-haven't-eaten-for-8-and-a-half-hours. With cheese.

Shit hey. I hereby declare this weeks FF cancelled due to lack of interest. Like Christmas.

Oh well. Just call me The Grinch.

*The Crow (1994)


  1. Oh dear, I am so sorry. I am glad the fever broke. I hope she can start getting better now. Hang in there.

  2. Bless your cotton socks Brea - your mum might not be able to tell you you're doing alright but i can.
    Also, i'm totally in love with you right now for stealing one of my favourite lines from " The Crow "....

  3. Thanks Guys.

    Amy - I'm so happy that someone recognised the line from the movie. I keep it in the back of my mind at all times when dealing with Tomika. The power of Motherhood is a heady thing, and can be dangerous if wielded incorrectly.

    The Crow is one of my all time favourite movies. I was a bit too distraught to credit it last night. A huge oversight on my part. Naughty Brea!

    All fixed now.

  4. Oh.My.God - you mean i've actually found another female who has not only seen " The Crow " but adores it?
    I love it so much that i even have a doll version of Eric Draven that has NEVER BEEN OUT OF THE BOX.

  5. Amy - Yes you have!

    I even have a limited edition, 15th anniversary, steel book 2 disk version, that has a rare interview with James O'Barr (the creator of the comic book), and interviews with the cast and crew before AND after Brandon's tragic death. It's fantastic.

    OH! Did you know they are pushing for a remake? Blasphemy I say! Brandon Lee IS Eric Draven. Anyone else would just be a poor imitation.

    Have a look... The Crow (2011)

  6. Hey sweetie. I hope Tomika is feeling better. Scary. Very scary. I can't imagine the fear you must have been feeling. Poor girl. I don't think this week was great for anyone. Maybe next week?
    OMG I had to pop back and tell you what my word verification was...ready?
    "Winesup" Like "Brea, come on over! The Wine's Up." Too Perfect!

  7. Christie - She's MUCH better now. Kids huh? One minute they're scaring the wits out of you, the next they're looking at you like, "What's wrong with you?"

    As for the word veri... Absolutely perfect! I'll bring the Martinis!


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