Friday, February 26, 2010

Drama, drama, drama... i.e. What's in a name?

By now most of you know that I had an Anonymous commenter make some pretty horrible remarks hefty insinuations on a post of mine the other day telling me that I shouldn't be posting about Tomika. Their thoughts were that by writing about her doings, posting photo's, and her real name, I was putting her in danger of a host of horrible things happening, not the least of being kidnapping.

I responded by defending myself, (quite snappishly I'll admit) but then I got to thinking...

How much is too much?

I posted my question to Mama Kat on Mama's Losin' It! - a blog that is well known and popular with other Mums - the kind of community I am hoping to tap into.

This is what I said...

Hi Mama Kat,
Quick question. I am new to the blogging world, having clocked up less than 2 weeks worth of posts, and I have just had an ‘Anonymous’ commenter slam me for blogging about my daughter, mentioning her by name, posting photos and up-to-date stories about her.

I have not mentioned anywhere in my blog where we live, Country OR State, or what school she goes to.
I have also seen, on several other blogs, that other parents do the same thing as me. Some even mention where they live.

I was wondering, as a fellow blogger who posts about your family, what are your thoughts on the subject?
To which Mama Kat responded...

That’s a quick LOADED question. :) And I like it. Is it possible the person slamming you is somebody who knows you in real life and is disagreeing with your choice to blog?

Here’s the thing. There are people more important and more famous than us who’s entire lives are photographed and tracked. We know their kids’ names, we know where they live, we know where they vacation, etc. 

Are we taking risks by allowing people to see our children on the internet? Yes. How great are the risks? I don’t know. Are there freaks out there? Yes and they scare the crap out of me. But are we taking those same risks when I take my kids ANYWHERE in public? Yes. There will always be creeps. I refuse to live in fear of them. 

I recommend following your instincts. Since you’re so new it might not be a bad idea to give your kids nicknames if it would make you feel more comfortable.

Keeping your last name and the exact location of your home off your blog is definitely wise, but if someone is determined to find you, they probably will. It’s such a touchy topic. We all want to do what’s best for our kids and so many people take opposing views on this. I’m wishy washy, but obviously you see my decision was to allow my kids and their names to be posted in full view. That’s the side I choose.

Hope this helped!!!

As a follow up to this query, Mama Kat added my question to this weeks Writers Workshop for other bloggers to add their own thoughts. Subsequently I found out that this is a popular subject among the blogging community, and there are a myriad of different thoughts and opinions regarding it. You can read about them below.

I would like to say a HUGE thank you to every one who wrote about this subject. Your collective advice has helped me heaps. And they have brought me to this decision.

I will write what I choose to write about my family... And no other person, especially someone who hides behind the banner of Anonymity, will make me feel bad about that. My choice to include my daughter in my blogging was deliberate and not made lightly. My daughter is aware of the blog, she knows I write about her, she has even read it and given me her full support. We BOTH know the risks, and have decided that by withholding identifying landmarks, it was on par with me letting her go out with friends without an accompanying adult.

Having said that, I have decided to change the name of my blog, just in case.

So from now on I shall be known as *drum roll please*...

Brea's Befuddled Brain - The Chaotic Thoughts Of A Single Mum

Cool huh? The change is currently under-way and should be in place by tomorrow.

Below is my WALL OF FAME. A list of bloggers who so kindly lent some brain time to my dilemma. Here you are guys, my ode to you...

Mama Kat @ Mama's Losin' It!

Amethyst Moon @ Life, Music And Laughter

Lourie @ C A Girl

Kyrsten @ Mommy Inbetween

Sunday @ WYSIWYG

Lindsey @ Tattie Tats

Plus my thanks also go out to the countless people who commented on the posts...


  1. It seems you should call it 'autobiography' if you're writing it about yourself.

    I'm glad you've decided what to do about talking about your child, and I think taking these steps, including changing your title, will only lead to bigger and better things!


  2. Hi Janelle,

    Good point! Hmm... Now I'll have to think of another B word. Glad you caught that one now before I went too far.


  3. Thank you for the shout out and i do love the new name. You are going to to well in the blogging world.Have a great day

  4. I just added your 'old' blog to my follow list and now I have to change it? Sheesh! lol I still like your stuff so I'll go through ALL the trouble of adding the new address. Glad you got things settled and figured out! Keep up the good work!

  5. I know right? I'm so sorry Jayde! I promise I'll TRY my hardest to make worth your while... Thanks for the support!

  6. Thankyou for posting this. I have often pondered some of these same questions. I do blog about my life, children and so on. I am not going to stop that, but I should take better precautions ....such as nicknames and so on.
    Thanks again

  7. Hi Bry,

    You're welcome. It's a question that was unfortunately thrust upon me in a rather unorthodox way, but having said that, I am happier for the change!

  8. I don't have children (unless a cat and dog count), but I do use my name and my husband's name on my blog. Blog how you want to blog. It's YOUR blog. :) But then, that's just my opinion, like a grain of sand :)

  9. Ha, I second Jayde, I must have added to you to my reader mere hours before you moved! That's OK, you're worth it :-) Glad you came to a decision you can live with!

  10. I'm glad to see you got so much support, I totally forgot it do post the workshop on Thursday but I've been thinking about your question since. I'm glad you have had a lot of advice and that you have made your own decision - happy blogging!

  11. I saw this on Margaret's blog when she answered your question. I had to come over and just tell you that my first thought was the same as Mama Kat's. That the person may be someone you know. My dad is wigged out about the fact that I post pictures from time to time of the kids...and that I talk about them. He thinks I am opening up the door to the crazies of the world. But, along the same lines as what Mama Kat said, what's to stop a crazy from following you home from the park? I think you just need to do whatever is within your own personal zone of comfort. As I am sure you've noticed from all the different blogs that the zone can vary greatly from blogger to blogger.

  12. Good for you! I am glad that in some small way I helped. I am off to select follow so I won't lose track of you. :)

  13. Aleta, Givingherallshesgot, JadeLD, ArizonaMamma, and Lourie -

    Thanks for the love guys! I'm happier now, and hopefully those yellow-bellied Anonymous commentators will go back in the holes from whence they came!

  14. You go! You should do what you want! And I like your blog. And I am now your newest follower! Thanks for stopping by MY blog from Gregory J's! Appreciate it! And how did you get the three column set up, because I haven't been able to figure that out yet :)

  15. Hi Kat,

    Thank you! For your kind comments, and for the follow.

    As for the three column layout, I know a little bit about html, so if you tell me what your template is called, I should be able to work something out for you.

    Just send me an email with the details, my address is on my Drop Me A Line! page.

  16. Brea- I'm glad that you decided to stick with it. Do waht makes you comfortable, no one can tell you what that is. When other mom's share their experiences, I feel better about the good and the bad of being a mom.


Thanks for taking the time to stop by! I absolutely LOVE comments!!!
But please, play nice okay?