Thursday, March 4, 2010

Writers Workshop - I miss you...

Mama's Losin' It

4th March 2010

5.) Who blind-sided you? Write about a time someone caught you totally off guard.

She was 52, and the strongest person I knew.

The cancer started at 40. In her left breast, then her lung, then it metastasised to her bones. The doctor gave her 6 Months. Even after they cut her breast off.

The Radiotherapy gave her second degree burns. They had to be covered in antiseptic and re-dressed twice a day. Chemotherapy was a bitch. She was sick, vomiting and shaking. She lost all her hair. So she stopped after one treatment. She said she'd rather LIVE, than live.

She needed oxygen 24/7, and help showering, so she moved in. On her birthday, she fell and broke her leg. Her bones were so brittle you see? I didn't get to her in time to catch her. Eventually they put her in a wheelchair. She hated the confinement. She couldn't move around, so she gained weight. She was beautiful.

During the day she would joke, play cards, do crosswords. She would knit, argue, laugh. At night she would moan from the pain. She cried in her sleep. She wet the bed. She screamed.

I loved her. I hated her.

On the 8th of April 2004 she left me.

I miss you Mum.


  1. You just made my eyes sting, what a moving story of your mum, and isn't she beautiful and so young....thanks for sharing, you made me sad though I am glad to have read this xx

  2. So many sad posts today, it's a good reminder to be grateful for what we have and live life to the full. I hope you have much so make you happy in your life today, even though you will always miss her.

  3. "I loved her. I hated her."
    Tears. I get that. I get you!
    You are very strong. Remember the good.
    Oh You have to read "Motherless Daughter: the Legacy of Loss" by Hope Eldelman. You will stain the pages with the waterfall of tears, very thereputic!
    Love you!

  4. Hiya Brea, I cried reading this...Very touching indeed.
    Thankyou for visiting my Blog today and I hope you dont mind me popping by again soon x

  5. Hello All,

    It's Mum's 58th birthday this coming Tuesday, and her 6th Anniversary in April, so Mama Kat's prompt came along just when I needed to get it all off my chest.

    I wrote the entire thing with tears and snot rolling down my face, imagining Mum telling me, 'Get over it Brea, I'm DEAD for God's sake!'.

    Thanks for the comforting comments. Big hugs for you all. x x x

  6. Awwwww Brea i miss her so much you have made me cry, good one lol. She was the strongest person i have ever known.
    She WAS a pain in the but when she told me of like my mother and i used to think "YOUR NOT MY DAMN MOTHER" lol but i always knew she would do Anything for us cause thats the sort of person she was.
    Im reminded of her every time i say Rylie's name (Rylie Robyn) and she knows all about who she is named after :)
    I only wish she were here to meet my lil monkeys but i am sure she is watching down on us :)

    Im going to leave it there cause the girls are looking at me like im a crazy woman cause im crying lol

    xxx ooo

  7. Oh i must add, she did hate that wheelchair but she LOVED making shop assistants life's hell by zooming around and knocking everything over lol.

  8. My Dad passes at 52. Lung cancer. It was horrible. Cancer sucks.

  9. i'm so so so sorry for your loss. especially the loss before the loss. cancer doesn't play fair.

  10. Jennifer and Tara - You're right, cancer sucks, and it DEFINITELY doesn't play fair. Thanks for the love guys, internet hugs count, right?

    Jess - She loved each and every one of you kids like she loved us. I'm so glad Rylie knows who she was named after, I was afraid she might be a bit young... I love you for carrying on Mum's name when I couldn't. Thank you Sweetie. x x x

  11. Oh my goodness...I don't know what to say. I will say thank you for sharing this. ((hugs))

  12. That is so hard! But what a sweet woman!
    Stopping by from MamaKat's.

  13. Awwww Brea thank you...every word of what you wrote means so much to me!! She does understand, she also understands a fair bit about death. We had to explain it to her when my Gran died 2 years ago (dads mum)
    I am very glad your happy we have carried on her name. I remember before we found out Rylie was a girl a was hoping and praying that she would be a girl so we could use Robyn's name :) When the guy said she was a girl i cried and cried and cried lol i was SO happy :)

  14. Oh wow. I just found you on Blog This (and am now following you), read this post and burst into tears. What a sad story, but your Mum sounds like an amazing lady.

  15. Oh my ... this just touched me and brought tears to my eyes. Cancer is so EVIL. But you were lucky to have such a fun and great mom for as long as you did. Love the photo! It shows her spirit. I'm sorry for your loss; I know you never really get "over" things like this.


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