Wednesday, March 10, 2010

WARNING: GRATUITOUS USE OF BIG WORDS


WARNING: THIS POST WILL INCLUDE GRATUITOUS USE OF BIG WORDS LIKE PHLEGM, UVULA,  MONONUCLEOSIS AND STEAMING PILE OF CRAP.
(Just thought I'd let you know.)

At the moment I have this horrible, hacking cough, that reminds me very much of croup. However, considering I'm not under 4 years old (at least last time I looked), I'm pretty sure that's not it. Accompanying the cough is a sore throat. And also phlegm running down the back of my throat, which I can't shift, no matter what I do. (Trust me, I stuck my fingers in there to try to grab it. Nothing.) (Yes, I AM aware of how stupid and desperate a move that was.) (No, I will not be doing it again any-time soon. It hurt.) (Incidentally, I have a very healthy gag reflex in case you were wondering.)

MOVING ON ~ I'm at a loss as to what it is, and what to do. Owing to the almost constant company of medical personnel over the past few days, I am loathe to take myself to the doctors AGAIN. So I have come to you, dear, dear readers, to help diagnose my illness.

I have tried Nyal Bronchitis Cough Medicine. Nothing happened except that I realised that I don't like Nyal Bronchitis Cough Medicine. Seriously. I would hate to be Tomika right now and have me saying, 'Come on honey, I know it tastes bad, but it's GOOD for you.' S.T.U.F.F that. And twice on Sundays.






Every time I try to swallow, the phlegm gets caught over my (blowhole? snorkel?) oesophagus and I can't breathe. It's the strangest sensation I've ever experienced. I would equate it to snorting pineapple jelly (I don't know why pineapple, just because it's my favourite), and that feeling you get just afterwards when it's sliding down the back of your throat, and you realise that it was a very bad idea, and an even worse sensation. (Right about here I would advise you NOT to ask how I know that!)

I have tried Ethical Nutrients Immune Defence capsules. They taste like a steaming pile of crap. AND they don't DO anything. I certainly don't feel like I'm doing any defending. And last time I looked, my immune system had packed up and gone to Hawaii. (Where, incidentally, I believe I would get much better. Anyone...? No? It was worth a try.)






So currently, I look like this. 
(And yes, I do have my flanny dressing gown on at 2.30 in the arvo.)




And because of the phlegm dancing on my uvula, I feel like this.

Steaming Pile



When I would much prefer to be doing this.

Hawaii here I come!


So what do you think? Do I have Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease? Infectious Mononucleosis maybe? A massive case of Acute Terminal Hypochondria?

Help!

3 comments:

  1. I do not BELIEVE that mono is usually accompanied by congestion. Mono IS usually accompanied by the worst sore throat ever and so little energy you cannot stand (seriously, I got it when starting college, my mom had to carry a little stool for me when we were out so every few steps I could stop and rest. Look out, hot new girl on campus!).

    This sounds just like what I had last weekend! (See my post "Sick." Sound familiar?) It was AWFUL. I ended up losing my voice COMPLETELY for one day (my hubby's birthday, by a strange coincidence. Best. Birthday. Ever.). I have no idea what it was, because I never went to a doctor. At first I thought it was allergies and then it was the weekend and then it was getting a little better. At work everyone wanted to know, but I'd never even thought of going in to get it checked :P

    What helped me: Delsym cough syrup-orange flavored! I even enjoyed swallowing it, didn't get stuck at all! Decongestant pills, but not the long acting ones, the ones with the other "active ingredient" but that only last 4 hours. Pain in the @$$ to take all the time, worth it for short periods of being able to breathe. And then, pain meds, so I could pretend the sore throat wasn't happening.

    Good luck and hope you feel better soon! Oh, and a bathrobe (I assume this is the right translation of "flanny dressing gown" from foreign-speak) when sick is the best outfit possible. Anything to make any part of you feel the tiniest bit better is appropriate!

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  2. Thank you SOO much for your help!

    Wow, I read your 'Sick' post and it sounds as though you were really ill. I'm so glad you had your Hubby to help out, he sounds like a saint.

    I'm hoping I don't get much worse, Tomika is in High School now, and she doesn't need to be looking after her Mum, I'm supposed to be looking after her!

    Also, I have to be careful what over-the-counter drugs I take, as some interfere with my Bi-Polar meds. I'll definitely try the Decongestant pills though, but I can't find Delsym cough syrup... Maybe it's an American thing?

    And yes, 'flanny dressing gown' = bathrobe! And I haven't budged out of it since doing Tomika's school run. :)

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  3. What you have to keep in mind is I never USED to get sick, so now even average sickness turns me into a big, whiny baby. My immune system has started to go down the toilet the last couple years, I think due to CFS getting stronger and my increased stress levels, so now I'm dealing with something I'm not used to: illness :P

    Here's to hoping you get no worse and you wake up tomorrow feeling good as new!

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